"I dream of a hard and brutal mysticism in which the naked self merges with the nonhuman world and somehow survives...Paradox and bedrock."-Edward Abbey

29 July 2011


I was somewhere between ten and twelve when I sat, transfixed to the point of paralysis, watching my first full sunset. It's been so long ago, I no longer recall my exact age at the time or the date on the calendar. I do know it was summer, but after that, the details are a little fuzzy. With the fluid and phantasmal nature of time I observe, I find such details hardly matter.

It was like a junky getting their first angry fix. There was one of the first times I felt the presence, sound, and fury of the Divine. That incorporeal voice that cannot be described in the clumsy attempts at language of a species of half-bald apes that calls itself Man. I knew I was seeing something special. And, like that junky, I needed to repeat that moment of zen-excellent perfection, again and again. 

Watching the changing and fading of the light. The clouds, going from white to gold to flame to ember to pastel to faded purple gray is hypnotizing. I liken it to watching the autumn leaves in their deathrattle march to crunchy brown upon cold winds. Both find their vibrance upon the loving embrace of the sun.

Long ago, I sent correspondence to Sabina, describing a sunset I observed of special brilliance. She showed an interest in the words I purge from my skull and I decided to give her a one-shot. A bit of storytelling I meant to push from memory upon the utterance of it. Although, I vividly recall the last bit;

I'm sorry. I'm a sucker for sunsets, but maybe I just suck. Maybe I should just throw away my man-card now.

Her response was simple, in all lower-case, and the entire reason I remember that last bit of my correspondence;

don't apologize. i like sunsets too. i'd like to hand you back your man-card.

That was one of those omens, which told me I might just be in love with her...  


  1. I caught myself smiling without even knowing I was doing it when I read this. You reminded me of someone I care for deeply with that last line you wrote.

    This was a sweet, quiet sort of post that I very much enjoyed.

  2. I also enjoyed this post very much, it's soft and quiet and special.

    I also loved your previous post but couldn't write a comment.

  3. Lladybugg; Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    Starlight; Thank you on both counts.

  4. Your reflections alway say so much. An interweaving of different pasts that make you. I hope you continue to enjoy your sunsets with Sabina.

  5. I'll probably get accused of wearing pink by choice for this...but I relish every sunset we get to witness together.