"I dream of a hard and brutal mysticism in which the naked self merges with the nonhuman world and somehow survives...Paradox and bedrock."-Edward Abbey

12 September 2010

Songs of Lament and Anxiety

Her birthday is in two days. That's when we scatter the ashes. Something I look forward to and dread. There is a concert within the walls of skull. A backbeat, which resonates of the impending event.

Perhaps one of the only ways I can think of the day without screaming...it also played in my skull the day of the memorial;

Although, she said this variation caused her to think of me;

She was fond of this one;

And this one, which I think of her to, she said used to haunt her dreams;

One of her favorite films was The Big Chill, in which this played at the beginning. Ironically, a funeral. I'm thinking of taking my copy of Let it Bleed, which has this, into the outback with us;

And I'll always remember her dancing with my father to this in the kitchen when I was a whelp;

Finally, when my grandmother died, I was listening to this one a lot, and it gave me comfort. The snake chases its tail and I find this song in my skull in context of what I am about to do. Again, it lends comfort;

It's another two days, and it will be her birthday. The day we scatter the ashes. I am charged with saying something pretty over my mother's immolated bones.

Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I want the day after to be here already...

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